The Advice given by My Father Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You're not in a good place. You require some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."